BURNING BRIDGES

Standing alone in midst of swirling fog... a year, an era, coming to a close..
I look up into the vast sky... trying to spot something I know...

Someone once said that a year ends the very same way as you started it... did I start my year this way?

It was year of travelling... visited a lot of hearts... made friends and met people.... made a lot of bridges... the whole year I kept on building bridges.. never once did I cross any..

Now the year is coming to a silent end; a year full of busy days... a year when I felt I accomplished a lot... a year when I built bridges a lot..

I realised half of my bridges are destroyed... from lack of use... Some of them are burning.... While some are still standing... but I'm not crossing them... they creak of unuse... they don't know my footsteps...
The doors to the hearts on the other end might be closed.... might not be closed??
Still I stand on this island... in the midst of swirling thoughts and I wonder...

Did it end the way I started?
Was it a year full of busy days?
Was it a year full of accomplishments?
What did I accomplish?

A few burning bridges?

Its Not The Way Its Meant To Be

"They say that love is in the air... but never is it clear;

How To Pull It Close And Make It Stay!!"

Heavily inspired by Sheryl Crow n Sting!! a deadly combo.... I try n make sense of thoughts swirling around in my mind!!

How true... ifff Love is in the air.. then why do we have to work soooo hard to keep our love.. or our loved ones close by???

Why do we suffer so in Love?? Some say LOVE and SUFFERING go hand in hand.. Why??

Why are tears associated with the most beautiful emotion in the world?? Why aren't we allowed to believe in FAIRY TALES?? Why do we have to have the REALITY BITES??

It brings back a few more line from Hoobastank's The Reason;

"I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you"

Why do we need to change?? Can't we find Love without changing?? Why wouldn't someone love us for what we are?? Why do we need to change?

Maybe because to experience LOVE we need to know what it is to be without LOVE.. n for that we need to suffer for LOVE....

Maybe its just like to know light you have to know darkness....

Maybe like a friend once wrote.... "There is happiness in grief just as there can be pain in pleasure and hatred in love. " n Pain in Love.....

Well one thing is clear... that the very concept of Love is elusive.... so many poets; philosophers; song writers have tried to catch it... but like a clever "butterfly" it flies away...

leaving us far behind to wonder....

Maybe its just not meant to be.... maybe Love's not in the air... maybe its not supposed to stay with us.. maybe......

But this isn't how its really meant to be.... its supposed to be easy.... then why do we wonder so?

Deja Vu ------- with a twiSSt

Always talked about deja-vu..... also thought that I had had my share of experience.... but never I would have believed to relearn the meaning of this weird word!!!

And like any good Indian citizen.. i have watched my share of bollywood movies.... and from the experience of their jhatkas n matkas..... I swear that today I experienced deja-vu wid a twist!!

Well the day started off in a most ordinary fashion wid me gettin swept off my feet.. not by some handsome hunk; but due to my bathroom slippers... wich became rather slippery!!! not a fall to glorify about... so i move onn...
hoping to meet medhavi wid her almost mini computer (an i-pod ppl... wid 20gb memory!!) i went late to college... n found her all teary eyed n worried!!! trusst me... two years wid medzy n i never saw her sooo worried... n the expression looked familiar to me!!
well the reason was good enuf.... she lost her phone!! thus began my deja-vu..... i too had lost my phone earlier this year.... n thus the familiar expression!! so my tryst with similiar events began.... calling the lost phone from frnd's number.... calling parents n getting a good dosage of not really needed scoldings.. etc etc...

what really brought something new to this event was wen we started off for the HUNT for the right temple for justice..... n the hunt is for sure a thing to remember... it began wid a fierce haggling with autowaalas.. who had all turned into hardhearted money making ppl..... n this continued till the end of the day.... 5 autos that we sat in; had d same course of events.... asking for too much price n then wen agreeing to something near our comfort warning that they'll not go all the way wid us.. but drop us before our destinatn!! one went so far that he refused to accept the money that we were handing out (ofcrse it was 10rs short of wat we had agreed upon!!)

This day also included some wrong informations.. like where exactly does the street opposite to our college fall.. i mean into wich jurisdiction.... we went to one police station to another.. n apparently the college fell into one jurisdiction while the street right outside fell into the other... so ofcourse a matter of great concern... so a warning for all.... iff u r in our college n dying make sure u run towards the street.. coz dat i knw for sure is in defence colony jurisdctn.. but not our college campus!!!

apart from all this.... another blow that we had to suffer in our quest was the realisation that no matter in which century we live in... our condition is the same as in the era of Adam n Eve (ok a bit exaggerated... but its all justified really) coz we discovered that no matter we are using satellite phones.. bluetooth devices.. but our phone cant be traced!! apparently everything is illegal in your attempt to search for your phone... apart from stealing ofcourse!!!

so by the end of the day.. two completely deranged n confused people returned home.. one obviously sad.. while the other still wondering was it deja-vu... or a completely different; mind boggling experience!!

oh but by the way!! even through this all... we two adventurers are not sure whether our quest wud be fruitful or not... so wid a hope in my heart i end dis loooong discourse!!

A Midnight's Question

What is it that drives us to our existence and to our end?

What is it that drives us to be ambitious? To compete with others and win? To harm others to gain?

What drives a perfectly sane mind to insanity?

What is insanity?

What drives a man to drink to the level of losing sense?

What drives a man to rape a woman? or a girl? or a child?

To force on to her, to slap her, to seize her, to ruin her life for once and forever?

What drives women to use sexuality to earn bread?

What drives us to beleive that we can do anything to satiate our hunger?

What is hunger?

what drives us to beleive that hunger is hunger? Like beleiving "A" to be "A" and not to be "B".

What drives us to obey our parents? or to disobey them?

What drives us to beleive in God?

What drives us to reject him?

What drives us to make fun of those who blindly beleive in something?

What drives us to become humans from animals?

What drives us to be savage? or to be civil?

What drives us to be Shakespeare? or to be Tagore?

What drives us to be Hitler? or to be Gandhi?

What drives us to sing?

What drives us to be beautiful? inside and out?

What drives us to make friends?

What drives us to make enemies?

What drives us to kill someone? To end one life?

What drives us to give a new life?

what really drives me to ask a series of such questions???

n What drives me to try and answer them?

All these Questions have just one answer... but ironically it is in the making.... i have it in my mind... in my heart... but cant form the words...... the 26 alphabets tonight fall short....

let the answer never come.... lest the DRIVE dies away!!??!!

JAI BHAVANI

I see the world in a different way,

I laugh my worries away,

I paint the world in my own colour,

My focus never blurs.

I dance when I'm happy,

I sing with joy.

No different from you my friend,

No difference at all.

Then why do I find myself behind these walls?

Just because I dance when I'm sad?

You take the liberty to call me 'mad'?

While you out there,

Do as you please,

Go on a killing spree,

But you're still free.

I did'nt harm anyone,

I didn't hurt a fly,

Still I'm here separated from all

Can you tell me why?

dont even ask what it means....... its supposed to reflect 'madness' so stay happy with whatever you can make out of it!!!

In The Land Of "THE SHADOW LINES"

The date is the 23rd of July’06, time about 10:45A.M., I step on the soil of West Bengal (more specifically Kolkata) for the first time in my life. Till now, in my 18 long yrs of life, I have always been criticized for not visiting the “Mother Land” for all “Bangalees”, the ‘Haj’, the ‘Mecca’, the ‘Tirtha Sthal’ for the Bangalees – Kolkata! As per the general rule; “If you are a bangalee, then u have to visit d ‘holy land’ of Kolkata – along with the offshoots like Dakshineshwar, Belur etc etc….”

The solemn oaths of not visiting Kolkata ever in my life, are all shattered to infinite particles, d moment I step on the ground of Sealdah Station. All d famous lines n titles glorifying Bengal start dancing around my head. “I shall return to this Bengal”, “Amar Shonar Bangla” etc.. etc.. Only for my lovely sister did I agree upon blowing away my “Bishmapratigya”.

Surprisingly! I don’t mind my first glance at the now-normal Kolkata. And in the following subsequent glances, I get quite excited n start acting like a ‘pakka’ tourist. Camera in one hand all ready to shoot…. Sitting ram-rod straight in d ambassador, peering out of the window, mind reeling with information about d surroundings. By d time I arrive at my destination, my mind has become a kaleidoscope of information. The more I stimulate it, more of info I find. And at that very point of time, when I’m making a list of things am going to do here, my mind goes back to d novel by Amitav Ghosh, “The Shadow lines”.
Though the novel shuttles between Kolkata, Bengal as a whole, London n Delhi in many time frames, it still had left a lasting impression of d places in Kolkata, d author had mentioned about. Through that my mind had created a majestic colonial aura around Kolkata, a very important part f my new-found curiosity revolving around this city.

Even though it was clear from d beginning that visiting those places mentioned by d author so-o many years ago is a near-impossibility, but inferring that d streets n “galis” are d place to roam around, is very easy. I also thought of copying d way to visit d places from d novel. Rather than looking at what is there in front of me, or supposed to be in front of me, I try to look at d history behind it. Not only d political history filled with power games, but also d people’s history. The history of the reason of a building (for ex), to still stand tall amongst d jungle of d new monuments creating history for themselves. If no-one else knows that history, I am myself trying to imagine its history by the look of it. This experience has simply heightened my senses, n lo! I have created my very own Kolkata, with my imagined histories of each n every brick that has been laid down.

Its not only the current Kolkata that I see, but I see n experience d old ‘Calcutta’ as well, of the time when it was d capital of the country under the British rule, of the time when it had become d centre of all revolutionary activities against d British Raj n d time when d modern world tried to overtake its old world charm, but failed.
Yes, even with the modern buildings around, u can still find d old world charm lurking about somewhere. The colonial buildings n street lights, d existence f Ambassadors! (In d form of yellow taxi’s n also as personal cars), d sustained aged-look f d roads…. U can almost imagine d horse-drawn carriages of vice-roys n generals bursting out from d packed traffic on d streets, see d now-disintegrating trams running in their full regalia, revolutionaries like Subhash Chandra Bose, walking around spreading their msg.

No wonder Kolkata has become d ‘Mecca’ for d Bengalis. Not only 4 d pleasure, but it also instigates a strong tide of pride within u, of being a Bengali…. Being in relation with people like Rabindra Nath Tagore, Bankim Chandra Chattopadhyay, Subhash Chandra Bose etc..
Now am despairing over d fact that I was d one who chopped down d time duration of this trip. My heart has already started 2 plan d next, so that it can visit me when I am back in Kolkata, becoz u see, my heart has found a new home in d beautiful city of Kolkata.

!!!RAIN RAIN COME AGAIN!!!

after a verrry long wait... here comes the rain!!!!blissful, silent but strong.... my lovely rain!!!!!the entire time of its absence... i just cursed n cursed d heavens as they showed only the clouds... but didnt let them to pour on us....oh how much the heavens teased us....so much so...
that i had started to make beleive that we ddnt need rain....
n ya... i had some pretty good reasons as well...

when it rains....

• the gutters start overflowing,
• B.S.E.S wires have to go through some short circuit,
• water supply becomes worse,
• roads get blocked,
• cars get water-logged,
• new potholes are born!!!!
  

wow!!

an amazing list.... along with that we have the very current news on mumbai....poor mumbai all blocked up because of the stupid rain....the clever govt. too isnt safe from the rains... all the flaws in the govt.'s work shows when it rains...
but then the moment it started to rain.... all this BIG list just vanished from my mind

!!POOF!!

i suddenly saw those beautiful flowers decorating their plants....which i had ignored all the while i was cursing the rain...i suddenly started to sing a looong forgotten song which i loved... my first song in many days as well...the noise around me was suddenly muted... n wow...

am i in bliss or what??

i dont really care... whether it will rain the entire time or not...whether it will ruin my sister's weddin or not.... or ne of those after effects...at this moment my heart's singin verry loudly with joy...

n i just want to dance to its beats!!

Just read a poem.... (its in my course.. but as d record goes... b4 d death day who reads??)
It kinda made a profound(cudnt find ne other wrd to fit) effect on me... though my interpretatn is kinda diff. from class (thank-God ddnt cum in d exam... teachers wud have given me a ZERO for not abidin d guidelines!!) I lurrrvd dese few lines... wonder hw sum1 cn convey sooooooooooo much thru sooooo little!! as is d case am havin bloody much trouble tryin to make sense in an entir para!! so my fascinatn wid da poem.. is kinda justified!!
read on.. hope u like it toooooooooooooooo!!(bettr have gud wrds abt it....... else imagine me wid a knife at ur neck!!)

HARLEM

by

Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore-

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over-

Like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

Like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

There am done copyin!! at first it might seem depressin.... like d previous post of mine.. but read it again n u might find a sliver of a ray of hope!!!!

try it wud ya??

Looking through a colored glass

All dressed up to go to college, with my sunglasses on. I am sitting in my car, waiting for the red light to turn green. I look out of my window. I see a bright and colourful day through my sunglasses. I see cool dudes on their sparkling bikes ready to roar off to their destination, I see chauffer driven cars, with the smart moms brushing their hair to perfection while their child finishes off his/her breakfast. I see bright blue sky (though tinted) above and greenery beside the street. Am excited about this new day, waiting to meet up with my friends in college, life is one big party with them. We live on the edge. We are broke when we have more than 100 bucks in our pockets. If our day-to-day expenditure goes below 50 bucks, we know that we are living on the edge and its time to get more mullah out of our parents. Still life’s a party and it’s a bright new day ahead of me, just a bit tinted because of my sunglasses.
Then why not remove the sunglasses and enjoy the morning to its full? Sorry, can’t do that. Will get exposed to too much light, exposed to the stark reality surrounding me right there at the red-light.
In place of handsome hulks on their shining bikes, I’ll find middle-aged men sagging on their old scooters, sweating in their helmets, wondering how they’ll manage to eke out that day’s living. I won’t see the smart moms, but their drivers, up since the earliest of morning, looking straight ahead, weighing the amount of driving throughout the day, and also the amount of waiting for their master for hours in the boiling hot car. I will see the little children in tattered clothes asking for money in order to get crumbs for their meal. Or maybe a handicapped adult asking for alms in his amputated hand. Maybe the lady, who wipes the windscreen with a rag of every car in sight to get maybe a coin or two for the effort.
But I choose not to take off my sunglasses; I don’t want my morning to be spoiled. After all don’t I have bigger problems of my own? I’m low on money; I won’t be able to afford the extra bottle of cold-drink or maybe a coffee in a coffee joint.
Don’t I have bigger problems of my own? My attendance might be low in class; after all I was busy making a play about the street-kids!!
I am not going to remove my sunglasses; won’t the sun shine into my eyes??

KNC ka Lakshya hai aisa,
Jisme nirali hai har baat.
Daam lagega na ek paisa,
Lekin pate ki hogi baat.
Humne socha tumhe dikhaye,
Aao milke khel rachaye,
Har mudde ko Lakshya banakar,
Use samajhna apna kaam!!

This is our calling song, this is our "mantra". We are not just a team, we are a team with an aim.
We are not mere actors, we are thinkers, we are workers.
We act to ENTERTAIN, we act to RAISE the AWARENESS!!
We are LAKSHYA, we have an aim.
Our aim is to raise issues (be it social, be it political, be it human), our aim is to work towards the betterment of the environment where we live in(personally n proffesionally). All in all, our aim is to achieve perfection, individually, as a team n as a society!!
We are not mere actors, laughing and crying on the cues.... We are among those humans who make others laugh and cry alongwith us, not only because we are convincing(hell that we are), also because we are not mere actors WE are Human Beings!!


now why i wrote this?? dont ask... no idea.. all i know, i was studyin,, wanted to write sumthin.. n came up with this.... maybe just wanted to stay true to medzzy's title for me "the enthisiast speaks!!"
but guess dat's wat i am!! well we all are in our own little way.. are'nt we??

SOME PEOPLE LAUGH AND SOME PEOPLE CRY

(borrowed from my text)


!!HOLI!! Yay!!! fun in life (borrowed from sona)
luks like am borrowin a lot nowadays.. what else to do.. after my phone(pyaaru) got stolen
am shuttlin between dad's n di's phones to check my msgs (sniff!!) UDHAAR KI ZINDAGI HAI BHAISAAB!!
well one SAD incedent.. otherwise alls sooo well in life..
wanted 2 copy n paste medhavi's post on our farewell play... mann was it fun or was it FUNNN!!!
still cnt beleive i did d whole BIGB nGABBAR thingi.... ws in a terrible state... thnks to my frnds n LAKSHYA n also a bit to Enigma.. dey were soooo gud n suppportive.
as my ego wont let me thank dem face to face.. (cnt help it.. am a hard core LEO in d end)
i jst wanna thank all of LAKSHYA (medzy, tanya-gave me hr phone to use!!, shaz-promised me a new phone??where r u shazia-hhh, vindee, priya-acted like my mum n got all d shoutings frm me-sorry, mansi n namita-n-shivika-though nt actively in Lakshya)
God. never gave thankyou's to soooo many ppl all at once n i did nt even win d OSCARS!!

guess its d HOLI hangover!! neways time to fasten d seatbelts all over again as exams once agn as our roadblock!!
college over for this session.. n was starting to feel d gloom of being widout my frnds.. jst den saw medhavi's blog's comments sectn.. n felt as if am back to d col union rum....
THANKS EBlogger!! wen i get d Oscar.. i'll dedicate it to u!!!!(sniff!!)

!!IDEA!!
a sudden thought popped in my mind today, when i was makin the solitary(sorry medhavi stole a word from u) way back to my place from saket.... thought i'd rather right it down somewhere.. only piece of evidence that i can actually think deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
a friend is like that pair of our most comfy jeans... torn n tattered... not d onepeople envy u 4 dat awesome fit...n yet... d one u want 2 slip into after a hell of a day..even wear it out without expectin it to make u look good.... (no expectation) sayin wat d heck after all i'm comfy.. i'm home...
guess dats wat friendship is.. not xpectin nething out of it. yet simply cant do widout it....

y dis realization came to my mind??? no idea!!!! mayb just tooo much of an overdose of shaz, tani, pranki, neha, sona, n who else??? medhavi!!!!
hmmm.. guess i'd better stay aware... else i might just turn into a permanent bulb sumde!!

Soooooooo much happenin in life... still i sit down to write.... (after a ton of curses from vindee and medhavi) i have no words...(actually soo much dat i dont know which ones to write n which ones to filter out!!!!)
am still in the process of gettin my papers... so stillll not grounded... so am enjoyin my days before d doom!!!!!!
had a crazzy day today... instead of stayin at home n enjoyin life(read a nice slumber) went to south ex to HABIB's wid my friend... lured by the false hope of a free haircut!!
n wat??? as expected.... we went n ofcourse.. mission impossible failed...
so with dat.. we had one glass each of Bunta.. really funny for my friend as for her
Bunty(me) was havin a Bunta!!
well den wid one expensive haircut.... we came back sad n tired!!
gud adventure for a day!!!!
n again my mind has got a whirl of words.. no idea what to make of them... so i conclude...